Jesus, I will follow you.

A common Christian dating question often asked by singles in a Christian relationship is: How do you know if someone you are in a Christian relationship with is the one, or is there even such a thing as the one? Personally, I’m not a huge fan of “the one”. I’ve had a boyfriend for 4 1/2 years that I love to death, but I’m not going to say that if he broke up with me tomorrow that I wouldn’t find love again some day. I think you could have a happy life with a lot of people, but I do also believe that God does and can have a specific plan for you to be with a certain someone.

There are many different takes on this, some people will argue from the perspective that you have to hear God before you can know that someone you are dating is the one. The problem with that statement is that some people are still struggling with knowing whether the voice they have heard is truly Gods voice or just their own thinking. Then there are others that say that God won’t choose for you, and that God stopped choosing for us ever since Adam accused God that it was the woman that God brought to him that made him sin. Many people think that “the one” is this perfect person without flaws that is so romantic and will know all their needs and desires and be able to meet them. They have this unrealistic picture of a relationship without challenges where everything is rosy and they think that the person that makes them feel that way is “the one” - nothing can be further from the truth.

Here is my take on this. I believe that faith or belief has a big part to play in determining whether someone is the one. You have to believe in your heart that this person is the right person for me. I also believe that “the one” is largely about your personal choice. God will lead you to potential partners but ultimately you have to choose. God never forces us to do anything, he doesn’t even force us to serve him we choose whether we want to serve him or not. 

Since I believe that faith and choice is what determines whether someone you are in a Christian dating relationship with is “the one” it is only right that I share with you some things you should consider when making your choice about whether this person you are dating is truly “the one”. Here are 6 things I think should be in the person you end up with one day.

1. “The one” obviously should be a Christian, if you are a believer and follow of Jesus Christ then you know that “the one” can’t be an unbeliever that doesn’t share your beliefs regardless of whether they are a “nice person” or not. The bible says that we should not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. 

2. “The one” has to be someone that you can live with their flaws. People are not perfect and you are not perfect yourself so why demand from other people what you yourself can’t deliver. Christian singles often have this unrealistic picture of “the one” some go as far as having a list of the qualities they are looking for but they make no room on that list for flaws because they are looking for a perfect and finished person. The only problem is that that perfect person doesn’t exist.

Even the best of us have our flaws and “the one” will have their flaws too. “The One” will have annoying habits, “the one” will get you angry sometimes, “the one” will be insensitive to you sometimes, “the one” might not understand you sometimes; “the one” will definitely make some mistakes. Don’t let people’s flaws blind you from their overall goodness. If all you ever focus on is the negatives in people then you will never see the good in them and chances are you will never find “the one”.

3. “The One” has to accept you even with your mistakes. The person you make allowances for equally has to make allowances for you. Be careful of labeling someone that doesn’t accept you for you as “the one” be careful if someone you are dating is constantly trying to change you and force you to change. Be careful if they are always critical of you and your ways.

It is good when someone you are dating wants you to change for the better and motivates you to be the best you can be, but if they are going about it in a critical and controlling way and nothing you do ever seems to be  good enough and they think that motivation you is them putting you down so that you can take action or they are always comparing you to other people then I doubt that such a person is “the one”

Remember that in point 2 I said that “the one” is someone that you are ready to live with their flaws. Ask yourself if you are willing to put up with someone who is constantly trying to change you, someone who is always putting you down and comparing you to others and be honest about whether you want to spend the rest of your life with such a person.

4. “The One” is the person you are willing to stick by or the person who is willing to stick by you even after your relationship has been tested. It is easy to think that someone you are in a Christian relationship with is “the one” when everything is going good and everything is perfect. But never measure the strength of your relationship based on when things are good, measure the strength of the relationship based on the challenges you are able to overcome. I can go as far as saying that you don’t really have a relationship until that relationship has endured and overcome a test.

5. “The One” is someone that believes in you, someone that believes in your dream and vision, someone that can see gifts and abilities in you that you might not even see in yourself, someone that keeps believing in you and keeps encouraging you even when you stop believing in yourself.

6. “The One” Is someone you truly love not someone you are just settling for. People stay in relationships for all sorts of crazy reasons. I will never understand why people end up marrying someone they are not in love with. I will never understand why people go into marriage or stay in a relationship when they know they have doubts about the person they are in the relationship with. 

Remember when I said earlier that faith has a large part to play when determining if someone is “the one”. You have to believe it in your heart, you can’t afford to be doubtful, because when you are doubtful you will never be content and the grass will always look greener on the other side. There has to be true love, relationships are hard enough when there is true love among two people, it is a complete nightmare when there isn’t true love.

If you honestly feel like you can’t hear God’s voice on if he is “the one”, then I would continually be praying that his will would be done in your relationship and that if it’s meant to be, it would be, and if it’s not, it would end. I read that sometimes you get frustrated with your boyfriend, but that’s life. You’re significant other is going to get on your nerves sometimes, but it’s up to you to not let annoyances or frustration to take a toll on the relationship. You should talk things out, make up, and move on. I hope I could help you in some way!

Blessings<3

-Sarah